New Rochelle 2042
It is with a heavy heart that Noam Bramson has made an announcement that he will not seek re-election. Instead he will become the new head of ICLEI and Agenda 21. Immediately after that announcement the Democratic party nominated his granddaughter as their candidate for Mayor.
Ms. Bramson kicked off her campaign with a party at a local country club and it followed a theme entitled “perception”. All political photos will be taken in front of Beechmont Lake. Ms. Bramson thought the color green would be appropriate since her grandfather adopted GreeNR.
-The North Ave bridge is finally completed.
-Chickens have become the new designer pets and the north end is calling for a chicken park. They have promised to pay for a statue of Barry Fertel to be at the entrance of this new park.
-Shari Rackman’ s granddaughter who is a lawyer will invest in 1228 North Ave. and will turn it into a cabaret. She has promised that is will be the new Limelight of Westchester County.
-Jared Rice is now a part of the Independent party and will start a trade school for unemployed youth.
-Ivar Hayden still has not found an answer to why people are not shopping in downtown New Rochelle.
-Talners has been sold to the latest church to open on Main St.
-The Republican Party under new leadership has nominated Lou Trangucci’s granddaughter for mayor of New Rochelle. Following in her grandfather’s footsteps, Ms. Trangucci will stress financial responsibility in New Rochelle.
-North of Quaker Ridge Road is now part of Scarsdale. That end of town will now be known as South Scarsdale. Immediately following that announcement, Scarsdale plans to have their affordable housing and new city yard in South Scarsdale.
-Forest City would like a MOU for the Beechwood Ave. city yard. In an announcement from their new location at the county jail, Bruce Ratner stated that this would be the perfect location for luxury condos. It goes without stating that the city must clean up the yard and relocate. A presentation is expected in the near future and the homeowners’ associations can purchase a copy of the presentation at the Dept. of Correction’s commissary.
-Due to a decrease in sales, Pepe Luxury Cars will now be selling electric go carts at their present location on Main Street.
-The library has been emptied of all its books and they still do not have a place for the restored items that were part of the armory.
-The main doors at City Hall have finally opened and people realized there was nothing more than hot air at that location.
-Mr. Kame has finally moved to France.
-Mitch is searching for more radio shows to call into from an assisting living location.
-Warren Gross is still trying to keep his post to Talk of the Sound under 10,000 words.
-WVOX now Plato’s Retreat will be replaced by the new home of Curry Motors. If you get my drift.
-DPW workers have been replaced by robots. Lou Felicione is very happy and it is saving the city money and the robots do not use showers.
-The original location of the city yard at 224 Main Street has now become a destination called Shantytown Heritage Park. It will house 1000 archives in a vast collection from small day-to-day household items to large garbage trucks . You can take an old time photo with a retired DPW worker, a self-guided tour of various buildings, grab a pail and shovel and clean up a portion of the yard, and enjoy a short mud walk by the waters’ edge. The city’s philosophy is to conserve this property for future generations to enjoy.
-The Dept of Development has been removed from city hall. We have no more property to develop.
-The Building Dept. is now using the honor system in hopes that people will pay permits and fees.
-The Commissioner of Public Works still cannot make up his mind. He will continue to host tours and has purchased a double-decker bus and will pick up at various locations throughout the city.
-The Municipal Arts Commission is looking for a new chairperson. All local graffiti artists should apply.
-City Hall has announced in order to save money, the position of city historian has been eliminated. It seems we have no history left in the city.
-The League of Women Voters has announced a series of debates. Before attending a 52 page booklet will be given out explaining the rules and only Democrats will be able to attend.
-The Armory will be in ruins. A child asked his parents what is an Armory and why remembering and honoring veterans is so important.
-Upon cleaning out Chuck Strome’s office, unused sheetrock was found. This will now be used to install 10 new restrooms at the train station. We are now proud to say the station has a total of 20 restrooms. They are still looking for the keys in order to open them to the public.
-It is rumored that Peggy Godfrey and Bob McCaffrey will be first to speak at the next Citizens to be Heard. They will have a generous one minute to speak and the rules clearly state no past, present or future concerns can be presented.
-Real estate agents are now telling future homeowners, New Rochelle is the first to eliminate all taxes. You will now be charged a fee for any and all services.
To the future citizens of New Rochelle,
I am hoping this is not what New Rochelle will become in the future. We are trying to work together and are having little success. It takes courage to stand up and fight, but we are willing to do so. I hope your city is a better place and do not take it for granted.
One Citizen in the year 2012.